mistakes and moving forward.
I sometimes feel like I’ve made every wedding mistake in the book. Two dresses, under budgeting, booking vendors too early, not researching enough, and more.
I had a quick conversation with my step mother who was feeling left out of the planning and not included. I do believe the root of these feelings have to do with emotions about the event and less of the event details themselves. It’s about not knowing how people will fit in in the new family structure, of wanting their importance recognized and relationship validated. I didn’t quite know how to react, as those words hurt my feelings, went right to the core. We finished our call and I called B, crying, and wanted to elope to the NYC courthouse.
I suppose I had been focusing so much energy on my mom that I had been blindsided that I needed to equally make sure I was including others.
At this point in the game, there isn’t much to be decided on. Most decisions have been made, and we are finalizing options. Or working on DIY projects. I’ve learned to say ” this is what we are doing” rather than “We are thinking about this”. But mostly, I think family members just want to talk. They want to hear what we are doing, what we are planning, what’s going on. And share their thoughts and input.Including is having your relationship, and remembering to talk about things outside the wedding. (Or about the wedding in my case.)
I’m having some emotions about what our relationship is going to look like. We needed each other in years after my father passed. And then life happens, we heal, we continue on with our lives, as we should. Somehow, somewhere things shift, and this big event, amazing loving event that brings us all together causes more shifts. I keep going back and forth as to whether or not this shift is real? I do think things change, but it’s micro and over time.
It’s a big complicated messy time. And I’m ready for a margarita and a wedding planning free weekend.